Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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