who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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