So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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