Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
