Will you blow on my dice?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
