Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
