your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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