Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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