god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
