The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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