Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
