Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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