He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
