Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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