you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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