When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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