I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
