Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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