it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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