it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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