I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
