Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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