Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Be still, my beating vagina.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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