I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
