hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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