My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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