Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
