1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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