I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
foreskin is a definite game changer
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
