All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
