i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
