he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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