I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
