Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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