He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
