yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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