i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
