i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
