Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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