Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
