this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
