New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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