no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
