I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
