sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
