Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
