Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
