So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize