i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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