I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Even my vagina gasped.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have tasted many bathrooms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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