Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
