i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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