dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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