that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
