you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
