He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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