Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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