I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
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My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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