Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
