I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat