I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare