Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.