My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.