hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend