I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
