How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
