I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
