just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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