omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
