Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
