dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
