You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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