Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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