She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
