Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
