Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
