Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
