she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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