Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
