You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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