Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
