If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
