So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
