Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
