I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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